mind training

In the past week, as noted in the previous post, my mind has been consumed by thoughts of my dream boy. It's making me crazy. I'll find any excuse to step out of the studio to go to the store, hoping hoping hoping to cross his path. All while knowing that whenever I hope to "just run into" someone, it will never happen. For some reason, the universe makes this so. I'm not sure why, but I guess the universe likes to throw us surprises and therefore thinking of the surprise happenstances we negate the chance of them happening at all.

So, my question is this...how can I remove this gorgeous gorgeous boy from my brain? Do I tell myself that I don't want him?That I can have him and that he has stinky breath and never brushed his teeth in his life and farts every minute? Haha! Well, maybe it could help. I need to channel this energy in another way. Because thinking of him constantly is NOT helping things.

I'm even dating other boys. I don't think about them at all. Not even a fraction of the time that I spend thinking about this one guy whom Ive never even spoken to, don't know if he's even available, how old he is, etc, etc, etc.

Isn't this the silliest thing you've ever heard? I think it is. I'm such a dreamer. I'm fully prepared to approach him and absolutely will the next time that I see him. This is excruciating. I can't wait to have him reject me or find something wrong with him, because this obsessing has got to end.

Actually, wait. I CAN control my thoughts. I choose to not think of him at all. I choose to think of creative things. Art. Clothing. Shoes. Philosophy. ANYTHING. Anything else at all, but certainly not of a boy. I will think of how filthy rich I'm going to be in one month from now, when I'm not renting this work studio out anymore. I am not going to sign another one year lease in hopes to see this guy. I don't care. I don't need him. There are other fish in the sea. Fish that are really into me and can't keep their fins off of me.

So, I decide from now on. I choose to erase him from my mind. If I happen to see him, then yes, I will ask him out. I will. I will see him again, it's just a matter of when, and I have no control over that, so I choose to let it go. I choose to just live my life.