another day another month

I'm in my new place now, but still faced with the task of moving the stuff from out of my old place, and getting rid of a ton of it. I like how empty the new place is, to be honest. I'd love to live that minimally. I'm really clean there, too. I pick up after myself, make the bed. I'm a different person, and I like her. But when I'm at the studio, it's overwhelming, and to avoid that, I find myself wanting to eat out of stress, frustration, fear, etc. And I haven't been able to go to yoga or exercise at all in the past few weeks. Ugh .

I've been really productive this week, and that makes me feel really good. I always feel so much better about myself when I'm working well and getting things done. Now, if I could just banish my desires to eat everything in sight.

I'm dating a new guy. He's really tall and thin; totally my physical ideal. But I'm starting to feel ashamed of my own body. Uncomfortable with it, and I think it's coming across. There have been a lot of times in the last week where I have felt that I just want to be solely alone, without any boy, just me and my work and time to myself with friends here and there. Left to work on myself and figure out some more things. I wouldn't mind it. I'm resisting falling for this guy too much, and trying to keep it quite casual.

There's this part of me that wants to be thin thin thin as a rail, because I know that it would feel so good. But then there's this overwhelming urge to shovel food into my mouth. What's the solution? Eating vast quantities of carrots and lettuce? Maybe that could work.

I think realistically, I just need to start doing yoga and exercising more. That will banish these urges. I need my rest, I need my "me" time. Saying NO more often. Trying to be kinder to myself. I'm trying, but it's not without it's obstacles.